Man Stink

Guys like to stink.  We all pretend to want to smell good, and we wear Old Spice and Mennen underarm deodorant, but the truth is, we like smelling bad.  Think about it, women and men eat the same thing, often at the same meal; and the guy ends up with gas, which he emits, not only without embarrassment, but usually with considerable pride.

I have been married for close to twenty years, and only recently found out women get gas, too.  No, I didn’t learn this from my wife Sandy.  My daughters slipped up when they were younger, and let the secret out, literally.  I’m sure they weren’t responsible, because they were too young yet for the Women-Union, which is responsible for teaching women how to train men.  So, unless this is something females just do when they are young, women get gas.

I feel like a traitor to Guy-dom, but the following needs to be said:  Since most women know that men don’t really like to read, what real excuse is there for men disappearing with a newspaper into the bathroom for forty-two minutes?  The truth is we are just reveling in our own stink.  The longer we sit there, the longer the smell can permeate, until it finally starts to eat the chrome off the sink.

Also, why else do men like to go out and ‘…work up a sweat’?  Everyone knows that the usual result of sweating is stinking.  As if it’s really needed, here’s even more proof, look at our beverage of choice.  When a guy drinks a couple brewskies, he is just stoking the gas furnace.

The only reason we even do anything at all about smelling good is fear of PMS, which science studies have proven to be set off by man-stink.

On this note, some things are just so wonderfully strange that I can’t do anything to embellish or make it funnier.  You can just let the story stand on its own merits.  And here’s one that just makes me want to smirk, though I won’t let Sandy see me doing it, because she’ll wonder why I’m smirking, and she won’t be amused by this:

On March 19, 2003 a story appeared on WebMD medical news by Jennifer Warner, and reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD, saying a recent study showed that the odorless pheromones found in male perspiration can boost a woman’s mood, reduce her tension and make her more relaxed.

Really?!

Good news, as far as I’m concerned. 

Heh, heh.

Smirk, Smirk

I gotta go.

I’m going to toss my Mennen speedstick and go sweat on my wife.

copyright Norman Cowie