Not So Smart

Poo Poo Heads and Weasels

“Here-ye, Here-ye, this honorable court is now in session.  The Honorable Judge Judith presiding.”    The judge swept past the bailiff, black robe swishing, “You may sit.”    Good thing, because my shaky knees chose that moment to give in, and I collapsed into my chair.    The judge looked through papers and frowned, “So this is a suit by the attorney firm of Tort, Overbill and Sueim against a Norman Cowie, for… slander and libel?”  She gave me a stern look.    A pitiful squeak slipped out

Thief's Shopping List

"Did you order $500 in shoes from Adidas?" my wife asked, a hint of panic in her voice.    This might have been the weirdest Saturday morning question I'd ever received.    "Huh?"    She showed me her phone, "I just got a text alert from our credit card."    Before I answered her, a couple thoughts flickered through my mind. The first was a bit of surprise that she considered me ordering tennis shoes to be a possibility. She'd be way less surprised if I ordered a bunch of swim gear or maybe

ZAAAPP!!!!!

I want one.    What’s that, you ask.    I want a ray gun.    Yeah, an ADS electromagnetic radiation gun. You know, sort of like a weaponized microwave machine.    The armed forces are creating a military ray gun as a non-lethal way to disburse crowds without causing any damage, including burns or any other injury.    So I want one. Think about it. If a raccoon is chowing all of the seed out of my bird feeders … don’t laugh -  they can empty a feeder in just a couple minutes …, I could just