Humor Author Norm Cowie's website
Why do we eat chickens, but not roosters?
All Rights Reserved
copyright 2006-16, and any previous years, next year, the year after, etc.
What they say ...
"I loved this book, fangs and all." New York Times best-selling author James Rollins
"Fantastically funny," BookLoons
"Don't miss this gem." Shane Gericke, national best-selling author
"Genuinely funny..." Taliesin - The Vampire's Lair
"Norm Cowie has a wicked sense of humor." Reader's Favorite Book Reviews
"Humorous fantasy at its best..." Armchair Interviews
"LOL Funny!" Beverly at Publisher's Weekly
"No topic is safe from Cowie's incredible wit and entertaining turn of phrase." Pop Syndicate.
"Hilarious, witty and oozing with snappy sarcasm." 3Rs Bits, Bites & Books.
"Everything is so true, you can't help but laugh in agreement." Roundtable Reviews
"If Guy, had parents, and he must have had some someplace, they should be Erma Bombeck and Douglas Adams. This book is funny." award-winning author Barbara D'Amato
"...hilarious mishaps..." Joliet Herald News
"...persistently entertaining read from first page to last." Midwest Book Review
So please help yourself.
(If you don't like it, remember it was free)
Norm quick updates:
Norm will be a judge again this year for the 33rd Chicago International Children's Film Festival. He also was a judge in 2013, 2014 & 2015.
See events page for event hi-jinks.
Click here to visit The Humor Writers of America.
Norm's alma mater Western Michigan University showcased Norm's books on their website.
The National Assn of Credit Mgmt will publish an anthology of Norm's award-winning business articles in 2016.
NACM National article quotes Norm's articles regarding lien law change. click 'Business Stuff'
Double click here to add text.
I'd rather Pole Vault than Time Vault
Have you been reading about the movie John Malkovich made that no one alive will live to see? Just our grandkids, Cher, and cockroaches, and maybe Justin Bieber might stick around for a long time to torment mankind longer than we would like with his very punchable face.
But as far as the rest of us, unless we somehow stick around for 100 years, we're not going to see it. They're gonna premier it at the Cannes Festival, well, not premier, they sort going to say, "hey, we made a movie, and you can't watch it for 100 years. Neener, neener" Of course this kind of genius means it will win some kind of award somewhere.
But I don't see what the big deal is. Authors do this all the time, writing a book (that quite likely took as long or longer than this movie to create) and no one reads it. Just jump on Kindle and browse through the self-published stuff. Plenty of them never get read, except by their mothers, brothers and wives. Heck, my own book Helliburton has yet to get a single rating on Kindle, and I've been traditionally published five times and had several best selling authors blurb my books.
So for me, that movie I won't watch is as relevant as the lottery prize I won't win, the Justin Bieber music I won't listen to, and the pole vault over the Grand Canyon I won't attempt.
Besides, in a hundred years, everyone's going to be underwater from the glaciers melting.
(Exciting news: I will be a judge again at the 33rd Chicago International Children's Film Festival, the largest festival of films for children and youth in North America.)
When I went to the Erma Bombeck Writer's Conference last month, I thought I packed everything I might need. I had a brush, to help guide the four hairs that have stuck with me through what people laughingly call the 'balding' stage of life. I had a choice of warm weather and cold weather clothes, because, after all, it was in Ohio.
God, I love that name, "Ohio." It's so friendly. It's like, "oh' and 'hi' and 'oooooh.' What fun, and what a great place to have a humor conference. That, and we were in Dayton, whose name didn't change to Nighton when the sun went down.
So I thought I had everything, that is, until it was time to brush my teeth, which, unlike my hair, have stuck with me through this adventure we call life.
But that's when I learned I forgot my tooth brush, my rechargeable spinning 'startle-the-food-out-of-my-teeth' brush of wonder. But I knew hotels like the Marriott would realize that forgetful people like me also travel occasionally, so I went down to the lobby to score myself a temporary replacement.
Fortunately, I was right. And, because it was the Marriott, of course they had the Rolls Royce of dental hygiene ... the 'Deluxe Dental Kit."
Thanking my lucky stars I wasn't staying at one of those cheap ass hotels that only carry the 'Basic' Dental Kit, I scurried back to my room, where I soon discovered I had forgotten another essential of hygienic necessity, anti-perspirant.
What to do?
I elevatored back down to the lobby where I checked their entire collection of arm-pit deodorizers. Which consisted of absolutely nothing. Nope, not a single one. No Right Guard, no gels, no sprays, nothing strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Nothing.
And then I noticed the dryer sheets.
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