What they say ...
"I loved this book, fangs and all." New York Times best-selling author James Rollins
"Fantastically funny," BookLoons
"Don't miss this gem." Shane Gericke, national best-selling author
"Genuinely funny..." Taliesin - The Vampire's Lair
"Norm Cowie has a wicked sense of humor." Reader's Favorite Book Reviews
"Humorous fantasy at its best..." Armchair Interviews
"LOL Funny!" Beverly at Publisher's Weekly
"No topic is safe from Cowie's incredible wit and entertaining turn of phrase." Pop Syndicate.
"Hilarious, witty and oozing with snappy sarcasm." 3Rs Bits, Bites & Books.
"Everything is so true, you can't help but laugh in agreement." Roundtable Reviews
"If Guy, had parents, and he must have had some someplace, they should be Erma Bombeck and Douglas Adams. This book is funny." award-winning author Barbara D'Amato
"...hilarious mishaps..." Joliet Herald News
"...persistently entertaining read from first page to last." Midwest Book Review
One beautiful day during the Palaeolithic period, in what is now known as Alaska, Moorg and Grog were striding through the snow, hunting woolly mammoths. They had to hunt the woolly ones, because the non-woolly ones had migrated south when it became obvious winter was going to last longer than a couple months.
Moorg pointed, “Hey, look, you can see Russia from here.”
Grog looked more confused than usual. “What’s a Russia?”
Moorg shrugged, “Never mind. It doesn’t matter; the Russians won’t be around for awhile, anyway.”
Grog frowned, “Then what are you bringing it up for?”
Moorg, “I don’t know.” Then he picked something off a small branch. “Hey, check it out, a wholly bear caterpillar.”
Grog, “You mean Woolly bear.”
Moorg, “That’s what I said.”
Grog, “No it wasn’t. You said wholly bear. Wholly, woolly. Totally different words.”
Moorg, “How would you know? We’re grunting. Some dude’s just typing what we would have said if we could speak English.”
Grog, “What’s English?”
Moorg, “I don’t know. Something inedible, probably.”
Grog, “Than why should I care?”
Moorg just shrugged again.
They crossed over a small mountain range and they could see a herd of enormous furry pachyderms munching tundra grass in the valley and farting away the young ozone layer.
“Yeah!” Grog shouted.
“We found them!” Moorg pumped his fist like a skater boy after a cool pipe run.
“Is there a drive-up, or do we have to go into the restaurant?” Grog asked, shielding his eyes against the glare on the snow.
“I dunno,” Moorg said, as he started jogging down the side of the hill.
As they reached the bottom, Grog felt through the fur hide he wore draped around him. “Do you have any money?” he asked.
Moorg gave him a look. “Do I look like I have money? We haven’t invented it yet, you dummy.”
Now Grog could see that Moorg wasn’t rolling a big stone coin in front of him. “Stupid question, huh?”
Moorg sighed, “Yeah, it’s pretty exasperating sometimes. We haven’t invented money, so there can’t even be prostitution yet. “
Grog brightened, “The oldest profession, right? I can’t wait. It should be along sometime soon!”
Moorg looked glum, “It could still be a millennia away though.”
“What are we waiting for?” Grog asked.
“I dunno. We have to get off our butts, and start inventing,” Moorg said.
“Yeah. We need to invent stuff like Playstation, hats and disposable diapers,” Grog said.
“And automobiles,” Moorg added.
“I don’t know. We’d better invent the wheel first,” Grog said doubtfully.
“Oh, yeah,” Grog nodded. “If we don’t invent oil, we’ll never have the oil lobbyists.”
“That’d be awful. Who would run our government without lobbyist money?” Moorg said.
Grog frowned, "What's government?"
"Nothing yet, but it will be."
"Oh," Grog said hesitantly.
As they walked towards the herd, they didn’t notice the big bull elephant that had approached with more silence than could be expected from a five thousand pound pachyderm.
“Ahem,” a big mammoth voice thundered, the sound vibrating the ground.
“Yeah?” the two cavemen asked, looking up in wonder at the huge animal.
“You guys come here looking to eat some elephant?”
Moorg and Grog shuffled their feet, “Well, maybe. We’re a mite peckish.”
“Hmm,” the bull said. “Have you humans invented helmets yet?”
Moorg and Grog looked at each other, “Helmets? What are helmets?”
“I thought not.”
And with that, the mammoth squashed them, wiped them off his feet and went back to the herd.
How to make the wall make sense
Really, imagine how cool a huge wall in Texas would be with solar panels. If we're going to spend the money, let's get some free electricity from it. And we could set up water vending machine stations for the people who tunnel under it, so we get some revenue from that too.
And here's another idea. What about a massive pipe system crisscrossing the US to move water from flooded areas to those that need water? And, unlike oil, if they leak, it's just water.
Hey all, my first non-fiction book, oh, wait, besides The Guy'd Book (though some of that was made up).
Okay, I'm not going to make a habit of writing non-fiction, but I wrote a new non-fiction book, The Illinois Mechanics Lien Statutes ... and Other Construction Stuff, published by the National Association of Credit Management Midwest. The book release was at their regional conference on October 19-20. Here's what Steven Boren, President of Contractors Adjustment Co said about it, "Norm provides a wonderful,thoughtful and humorous overview of the Illinois Mechanics Lien Act. Valuable reading for all in the construction industry."